


What It Means to Be Okay

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk why i wrote this, it was raining and then ???, kind of, very very sad ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:16:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2782868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This wasn’t like him, he’d never cry so openly.  He sat there, tasting the salty tears that continued to fall from his eyes.  He couldn’t stop himself.  He had come undone.</p><p>or in which Tsukishima Kei grieves the death of his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. two weeks after.

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't know why i wrote this but it was raining and i was sad so i wrote some sad stuff
> 
> this will probably be in two parts or idk
> 
> hope you like it :)

Tsukishima opened his eyes, blinking the sleep away.  He stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, debating on whether he should get up or not.  After deciding that moping won’t do any good, he rolled over to his side and reached for his black-rimmed glasses which were perched on the bedside table.  Sitting up, he noticed the faint sound of rain against the roof.  His gaze travelled to the window, where raindrops were racing downward on the window pane.  _Raining, again,_ Tsukishima thought. _It’s been raining a lot lately._

 

He used to think that the world looked better when it was dark and dreary.  This idea didn’t stem from his evil disposition or anything like that, it just made him think that everything seemed more mellow, more tranquil whenever it rained.  But he didn’t thank that anymore.  He cursed the rain and how it seemed to make everything a hundred times sadder than they really are and how rain was deemed an archetype for sadness and grief.  Especially after Yamaguchi died.

 

Yamaguchi used to tell him that rain was kinda relaxing and Tsukishima would just shrug while mumbling an agreement.  Now, he wished he didn’t brush that comment off so easily.  Tears began to sting his eyes and he grit his teeth to stop them from falling.  “Crying won’t help,” Tsukishima whispered to himself, his hands balling into fists.  He _hated_ crying, but how could he not? His best friend died two weeks ago and he hasn’t properly mourned.  He was always that guy that didn’t care much but he was expected to care this time because his best friend _fucking died_ but he didn’t cry as hard as everyone did at the funeral.  He was supposed to be a mess but even at that time, he still managed to look like a heartless prick.  Sobs began to rack his body and he grabbed the edge of his dresser to keep himself from collapsing.  This wasn’t like him, he’d never cry so openly.  He sat there, tasting the salty tears that continued to fall from his eyes.  He couldn’t stop himself.  He had come undone.

 

If his mother didn’t hear him, he would’ve stayed there all day, crying until his eyes would swell shut.  But his mom wrapped him in an embrace, too afraid to let go because if she did, her son might fall apart.  After Tsukishima’s cries died down, his mother pulled back and looked him straight in his tear-filled eyes and whispered, “You’re gonna be okay.”

 

 

xxx

 

 

Volleyball practice was never the same after Yamaguchi bid his farewells.

 

Practices were cancelled the first few days after the funeral but they had to resume at some point.  It wouldn’t seem right to call them the volleyball club if they weren’t playing any volleyball.  But it was obvious that nobody was really into the drills.  They’d toss, spike, and receive but their hearts weren’t in it. 

 

The service drills were the hardest, of course.  They’d remember the look of determination on Yamaguchi’s face whenever it was his turn to serve.  He always practiced the hardest and he was always proud of his progress on mastering the jump float serve.  But they didn’t hear his voice now.  They never will.

 

Everybody seemed to be back to their usual selves, although the laughter and smiles were still limited.  Tsukishima had become even quieter than he already was.  It was a miracle that he didn’t quit the club altogether.  He was sitting at one corner of the gym, drinking big gulps of water from his bottle when Suga sat down beside him, his usual smile on his face.  Tsukishima knew where this was going.  Suga was gonna ask him if he was alright and tell him how everything was gonna be fine and how they’re all gonna make it through this together.  He was tired of hearing those things.  He just wanted to be alone.

 

“Look, I know what you’re gonna say—, “

 

“Do you want to come with us after practice?  Coach Ukai’s gonna treat us to dinner,” Suga cut him off, smiling a little wider. Tsukishima was taken aback.  He was expecting the empathetic vice-captain to try and comfort him.

 

“Y-yeah, sure.  Okay,” the taller of the two replied, shifting uncomfortable before looking away.  Suga knows that Tsukishima would think he would coddle him and tell him what he already knows.  But he knows what it feels like to grieve for someone and it was frustrating to hear everyone tell you how sorry they are as if it was their fault that death decided to pay a visit.  Suga sighed and stood up, looking down his teammate.  Although it was true that words won’t help at this time, he _had_ to tell Tsukishima what he’d wanted to tell him since the funeral.

 

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

 

 

xxx

 

 

After that night’s dinner, Tsukishima decided to walk home.  The others, especially Daichi looked hesitant to let him out of their sight at this time of the night, especially with what’s happened recently but the blond snapped at them, “I’m not gonna commit, don’t worry.”

 

The breeze tickled his face as his footsteps echoed through the empty street.  Any other person would think this set-up was eerie but Tsukishima was thankful for the peace and quiet.  It gave him time to think.  That’s all he’s been doing nowadays and maybe he was doing a bit too much of it.  He looked up to see the full moon at its highest peak in the night sky.  Another memory surfaced in his mind as he continued to stare at the soft glow of the celestial body that seemed to hang over him.

 

He remembered how Yamaguchi told him how we was literally like the moon, referring to his name.  Tsukishima raised his brow and asked, “How so?”  Yamaguchi smiled and told him how, like the moon, he brought brightness to his life during his darkest times, especially when Tsukishima saved him from those bullies back in elementary school.  He suddenly apologized for sounding too cheesy while Tsukishima stared at his best friend in mild surprise.  Did Yamaguchi really think of him like that? If he had heard somebody else say it, he would’ve scoffed and told them how big of a cheesy loser they were.  But _Yamaguchi_ had said it and he looked so sincere when he had declared those words.  Tsukishima said it didn’t sound cheesy at all since he was used to Yamaguchi’s poetic tendencies.

 

The realization that he’d arrived at his house tore Tsukishima away from his thoughts.  He sighed and proceeded inside where his parents were just starting to clear up the table where they’ve eaten.  “Kei! Have you eaten?” his mother asked, smiling.  “Yeah.  Our coach treated us for dinner,” Tsukishima replied shortly.  He climbed up the stairs without a second glance.  He reached his room and immediately dropped his bag to the floor.  He was more exhausted than he thought he was and all he wanted to do was sleep. 

 

After finishing a bit of schoolwork, he crawled under the sheets and was asleep in seconds.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima dreamed of volleyball practice. 

 

_His teammates laughed and seemed to be having a good time while playing the sport they all loved.  He was surprised to hear himself chuckle at something Noya said.  The dream filled him with something like nostalgia.  The sounds that surrounded him comforted him in some way.  The balls hitting the floor after being spiked, Hinata’s loud shouting and Kageyama’s annoyed remarks, it was all very familiar.  But something was missing.  Then he remembered.  His best friend was dead and he was alone now.  He was about to walk away, his heart heavy with sadness.  Just then, a voice called out, “Tsukki!”  He looked up and saw Yamaguchi running towards him, his face red from the effort of practice, his freckles prominent against the reddish tint of his cheeks.  Tsukishima felt his heart leap at the realization that his friend wasn’t dead.  He was right there in front of him, alive and grinning up at him.  But then he remembered. Dreams never lasted…_

Tsukishima woke up, confused and his vision blurrier than they were without his glasses.  His heart was racing as he recalled what he dreamt of.  He willed the rise and fall of his chest to slow down until his breathing was back to normal.  He peered at the clock on his bedside table, the large digital numbers enabling him to read the time even without glasses.  _2:18 a.m._

He laid back flat on his back, the blurry image of the ceiling burning into his eyes.  That dream…it was the first dream he’s had in a long time.  And the way Yamaguchi called his name, it felt too real, as if Yamaguchi was in the same room as him.  Tsukishima closed his eyes, breathing deeply.  He was being pathetic.  He decided that the grief had finally taken over him and he was going crazy.  As he was falling back to sleep, a soft breeze blew through his room.  A sudden chill ran through his body and Tsukishima opened his eyes again.  He sat up and gaped at his open window.  He never left his window open at night except during the summer, but it was _November._ He crossed his room in a few long strides and slammed his window shut.  Tsukishima leaned his forehead against the cool glass and stared down at the dark street illuminated only by the dim streetlights and the moon.  _The moon…_

He looked up at the small, glowing circle in the sky and felt a tightening in his chest.  The dream came back to him and all the other memories he had of Yamaguchi and he swore he wouldn’t cry again, he _swore._ Before the tears came, however, a sound so strange stopped the sob that was about to escape Tsukishima’s throat.

 

_“Tsukki…”_

 

He whipped around, his eyes frantically darting from side to side.  But the room was empty, save for himself.  He realized he wasn’t wearing his glasses and he snatched them up from his bedside table.  When he could finally see clearly, he did a full turn in the middle of his room, just to make sure.  And then he realized how idiotic this was.  _Of course_ no one said his name.  He was alone! Did he expect Yamaguchi to just magically appear in his room, when clearly he was _gone_ and never coming back?  Tsukishima dropped to his knees, his face buried in his hands. 

 

“Yamaguchi…why are you doing this to me?” he said in a low whisper, his voice muffled by his hands.  He didn’t want to feel this anymore.  He wanted to feel normal again, like nothing was wrong in his life.  He wasn’t expecting anyone to answer.  Why would he? But a voice replied, nonetheless.

 

“ _It’s okay, Tsukki.  I’m here.”_

 

 

 


	2. memories.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima remembers things about Yamaguchi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i'm back!!!
> 
> so i still don't know how long this thing will be but it's safe to say it's gonna be more than two parts lol
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: i kinda added a little thing here since i noticed some inconsistency (but i hope you guys didn't notice at all lol)

Tsukishima sobbed even harder, the tears coming out in torrents.  He flung his glasses away, not caring if they shattered into pieces.  What was the point in seeing clearly when the one thing he wanted to see was gone?  “Why do you keep coming back? Please, stop.  I just want to forget...,” he choked out, his voice cracking.  He hugged his knees to his chest, disregarding how pathetic he must have looked.  He was sad, _distraught_ , and he was going to let his emotions win, just for tonight.

 

Tsukishima raised his head after a while, blinking away tears.  He was so tired.  He decided that maybe he should go back to bed.  But he still thought about what he’d heard earlier.  He _heard_ Yamaguchi, he knew he did.  But that would be impossible.  Yamaguchi was dead and there was no way he’d hear his voice now, but who called out to him? A fresh wave of tears flowed down Tsukishima’s face as he thought about it long and hard.  A quick glance at the clock told him that it was almost 3 in the morning.  He made his way back to his bed, wrapping the blankets tightly around his slender body.  He hoped that he’d finally fall asleep without waking up to some voice calling his name.

 

_“I’m sorry, Tsukki.  I’ll come back another day.”_

 

The voice came again as he was drifting off to sleep and Tsukishima idly remembered that Yamaguchi was the only one who called him Tsukki.

 

 

xxx

 

 

After a few minutes of sleepy confusion, Tsukishima was able to get out of bed and get ready for school.  He didn’t _want_ to, but he had to.  Yamaguchi wouldn’t want his best friend missing classes for him.  _Yamaguchi…_ he’s all Tsukishima ever thought about recently.  Him and that godforsaken brain cancer that took his life away.  He still remembered the day his best friend sobbed in his arms with the grave news spilling from his lips.

 

_It had been a normal day for Tsukishima.  He made it through his classes and they were finally done with practice today and all they had to do was clean up the gym.  He walked towards the other side of the court, his hands gripping the handle of the huge mop that he’d taken out from the equipment room.  He was left to his thoughts until Yamaguchi ran up to his side, a small smile playing on his lips.  “Hey, Tsukki.”  Tsukishima nodded in acknowledgement.  They never really talked much unless they were talking about volleyball or school.  They weren’t those types of best friends who shared everything and anything with each other.  They both liked it that way.  They mopped the floor side by side for a while, only speaking when Tsukishima would comment on how Hinata was being such an idiot.  Yamaguchi would laugh and add a snarky remark of his own which always made Tsukishima snicker.  After returning the mops to the equipment room, they were ready to go._

_They (mostly Yamaguchi) waved goodbye to their teammates before walking in the opposite direction.  Yamaguchi’s house was on the way to Tsukishima’s so they’d always walk home together.  They were quiet for a few minutes before Yamaguchi spoke up.  “Tsukki, I have something to tell you.”  Tsukishima turned his head towards his friend and raised both eyebrows.  “What is it?”  Maybe he had a problem? Yamaguchi would occasionally confide in him whenever something was bothering him and Tsukishima would try to help.  The freckled boy took a deep breath and stopped walking.  Tsukishima had no choice but to stop as well.  He fully faced the shorter boy and stared at him expectantly. “So?”_

_Yamaguchi bit his lip, his head hung low as he stared at the ground.  A look of fear was etched on his face and Tsukishima had no idea how to help his friend voice out his worries.  The former finally looked up, tears forming in his wide eyes as he whispered, “I’m…I’m sick, Tsukki.”  Tsukishima couldn’t quite comprehend what Yamaguchi said.  There was a long pause before he replied.  “Sick? Why, what happened?”  He pressed his hand on the dark-haired boy’s forehead, checking if he had a fever.  Yamaguchi gently swatted Tsukishima’s hand away and shook his head.  “No, that’s not what I meant.  What I’m trying to say is…I have b-brain cancer and I don’t think I’m g-gonna live much longer.”_

_The world seemed to stop turning as Tsukishima heard those words.  Brain cancer? How could Yamaguchi hide this for so loing? Since when did he have brain cancer? And most of all, why was this happening to him? He stared down at Yamaguchi, his mouth slightly parted as his forehead creased in confusion.  “When did you find out? Why didn’t you tell me any sooner?”  It felt like Tsukishima’s heart would burst out of his ribcage at any second.  His best friend had brain cancer and had little time to live.  How could he possibly get through this? _

_Yamaguchi’s face was tear-streaked now, his lip quivering as he struggled to explain. “I found out last week and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.  I just don’t think it was the right time to tell you, you know? I wanted to wait so I could talk to you properly, just the two of us.”  Yamaguchi’s body was shaking with his sobs and it broke Tsukishima’s heart, whether he admitted it or not.  He hesitated for a bit before he reached out and pulled Yamaguchi into a hug, his face buried into his dark hair.  He was never a big fan of hugs but it felt like the right thing to do.  “How…how much time do you have left? And how come nobody noticed the symptoms?” Tsukishima asked quietly, letting Yamaguchi cry into his shirt.  The latter sniffled and pulled away, his eyes bloodshot from all the crying.  “Two months, maybe three.  The doctor said the symptoms took time to appear, that’s why I didn’t know sooner and when I started showing them, he told me it was too late to…to treat it.”  They were silent for a few moments before Tsukishima asked, his face void of any emotion but his voice was thick with worry, “How come you’re still playing volleyball? Wouldn’t it worsen your condition?”  Yamaguchi began to sob once more, his face contorting into despair.  If it was possible for Tsukishima’s heart to break even more, it did.  But he held his emotions in, fighting to keep his own tears at bay.  “I told my parents that if I was going to die in a few months, I’d like to spend my last few weeks here on earth doing what I love.  They were both against the idea, but I wouldn’t listen to them.  I love volleyball…I love the team too much.”  Tsukishima was speechless as he stared at the hunched figure in front of him.  His mind was racing, a wave of emotions washing over him.  It was all too sudden._

_“I’m sorry,” Yamaguchi mumbled, not meeting Tsukishima’s eyes.  “Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault that you’re…you’re…” he wanted to say ‘dying’ but he felt that it would be too harsh.  Instead, he clasped Yamaguchi’s hand in his and started to walk.  It was getting colder and they both ought to be home by now.  When they reached Yamaguchi’s house, his mother was waiting by the doorway, her hand laying over heart.  She looked so worried, Tsukishima felt sorry for her and everybody else in Yamaguchi’s family.  As he watched his best friend disappear into the house, his mother smiled at him sadly, bowing her head in thanks before she closed the door._

_Tsukishima walked home feeling numb that night._

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima was sitting in history class, listening to his teacher drone on and on about things in the past that he had no care for.  He stared down at his blank notebook, a million memories of Yamaguchi filling his mind.  He knew getting over it would take a long time but he didn’t know it would be _this_ difficult.  He finally looked up when the bell rang signalling the start of their lunch break.  Even eating his lunch was tough since he always ate with Yamaguchi.  Now, he had no one. 

 

He usually spent his lunch on the rooftop, slowly nibbling on whatever he packed to school that day.  After finishing his food, he’d just sit there, thinking about things.  Or on other days, he’d go for a walk to kill the time.  This was one of those days.

 

He walked around campus, not really noticing the things happening around him.  It wasn’t until he reached the gymnasium did he look up.  He thought that maybe since he was so used to coming here, this is where his feet had taken him.  He tried opening the door but it was locked.  _Of course,_ he thought, _it wouldn’t be open until practice tonight._  Then he remembered he did't have any practice that day.Sighing, Tsukishima leaned back on the door and slowly slid down until he was sitting on the ground.  As he waited for lunch break to end, another painful memory came back to him.

 

_It’s been three weeks since Yamaguchi told him._

_Everything was normal as they practiced that day.  The gym was filled with shouts and shoes squeaking against the floor.  Coach Ukai blew his whistle and told everybody to line up to practice their serves.  Yamaguchi gave an excited yelp as he rushed to fall in line.  Tsukishima knew how important these practices were to Yamaguchi since his best friend was given the role of pinch server.  He could see how Yamaguchi was making progress with his jump float serve and Tsukishima was genuinely proud of him.  But he knew that his friend’s health would slowly deteriorate and he wasn’t exactly excited for that day to come.  They were lined up according to their jersey numbers and it was his turn to serve.  After three successful serves, Tsukishima ran to the back of the line and watched as Yamaguchi stepped forward to catch the ball being thrown at him.  He was about to toss the ball up in the air when he stumbled on his own feet and fell on his knees.  Daichi, who was just behind Yamaguchi gave a startled shout, rushing forward to check on his teammate._

_Tsukishima rushed forward and knelt beside Daichi who was asking if Yamaguchi was okay.  The younger boy nodded, looking a little dazed, but unharmed.  Tsukishima reached out and grabbed his best friend’s wrist.  “Are you alright?”  Yamaguchi looked up at him, his eyes wide with panic for a second before he let out a shaky “Y-yeah.”  Tsukishima helped him up and he felt the shorter boy’s hand shake beneath his own.  This was it.  The day they both feared had come.  Suga walked up to them, his eyes filled with concern.  He turned to Yamaguchi and asked, “What happened there? Are you hurt?”  Yamaguchi shook his head furiously, his trembling hand still in Tsukishima’s.  “I’m fine, Suga-san.  I’m just too clumsy for my own good.”  Yamaguchi tried to sound sheepish.  “I didn’t think everyone would be so concerned.”  Tsukishima gave him a look but Yamaguchi ignored him.  When was he gonna tell the rest of the team? Will he even tell them?_

_The rest of the practice went by uneventful but Daichi told Yamaguchi to sit the rest of it out.  The latter was reluctant at first but he later decided that it was for the best.  When practice was done and everybody said their goodbyes, Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi by the hand, almost dragging him down the street.  He stopped and faced his freckled friend with a grim face.  “You need to stop attending practices.  And you need to tell them.”  Yamaguchi pulled his hand away and shook his head.  “I don’t want to stop, okay? And I’ll tell them when I’m ready.”  Tsukishima made a sound of disbelief before snapping at Yamaguchi. “When will you be ready? After you’re dead?!”_

_His eyes widened when he realized what he’d said probably crossed the line.  His thoughts were confirmed when he saw Yamaguchi tear up.  The tears fell from his face rapidly, staining his cheeks.  Something in Tsukishima urged him to reach up to his best friend’s face to wipe away his tears but Yamaguchi swatted the taller boy’s hand away.  “Do you think this is easy for me? It was hell trying to build up the courage to tell you of what I’m going through, so how do you expect me to tell a dozen other people so soon?”  Frustration was evident in Yamaguchi’s voice as he choked the words out.  Tsukishima hung his head as the other boy’s words registered in his brain.  He knew he was being too insensitive, but he can’t bear the weight of knowing about his friend’s sickness alone.  The scene in front of him was extremely similar to that of the one three weeks ago, when Yamaguchi first told him.  Tsukishima breathed in before saying, “I know it’s hard.  But I can’t bear it…” Tsukishima’s voice caught in his throat.  “I can’t support you on my own.”_

_“So, please.  Tell them.”_

_Yamaguchi’s face scrunched up as a loud sob escaped his lips.  He rushed forward and buried his face in Tsukishima’s chest.  The blond was almost knocked back but he caught himself before wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi.  They stood there for a few seconds, holding each other, before Yamaguchi whispered into Tsukishima’s chest, “I will, I will._

_And for the second time, Tsukishima held Yamamguchi under the pale moonlight as the sick boy cried in his arms._

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima opened his eyes as the bell rang.  It was time to go back to class.  He stood up and gathered his things but his water bottle slipped through his fingers.  It rolled away but stopped a few feet away.  He was about to pick it up when it rolled away again.  Tsukishima pulled his hand back as if he’d almost touched fire.  There wasn’t any wind to blow his bottle away and besides, his bottle still had water in it.  It would take a very strong gust of wind to send it rolling away.  He walked forward a bit more, quickly picking his bottle up.  When he stood back up, he almost dropped his bottle again.  _He_ was right there, standing in front of him.  Tsukishima thought for a moment that maybe he was hallucinating.  But he _can’t_ be.  His best friend was looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face.  He looked healthy again, unlike his last days in the hospital…

 

“It’s good to see you, Tsukki.  Even though I saw you last night,” Yamaguchi, or what he _thought_ was Yamaguchi smiled warmly at him. “What? Am I freaking you out too much?”

 

 

Tsukishima couldn’t believe it.  His best friend, his _dead_ best friend was talking to him.  He didn’t believe in ghosts but what stood in front of him was unmistakeably an apparition.  He reached his hand up, whispering out his name.

 

“Yamaguchi…”


	3. coming back to you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi comes back and asks for a favor.
> 
>  
> 
> Tsukishima doesn't handle it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for updating so late! I just had a bout with writer's block and it was the most horrible thing, ever.
> 
> anyways, this chapter is a bit fluffier than i intended it to be so i hope you guys are happy.
> 
> oh and christmas is coming up so i'll try to squeeze in another chapter before the 25th.
> 
> and on that note, merry christmas and enjoy! :)

To say Tsukishima was confused would be an understatement.  His mind was coming up with a million ways to explain what he was seeing right in front of him.  His dead best friend was standing there, a slightly apologetic expression on their face.  At first he thought he’d totally lost it but he didn’t want to fully admit that maybe, just maybe, he’d gone crazy.  So he did the most cliché thing anybody would do in this situation.  He pinched himself.

 

But Yamaguchi was _still_ there, his dark hair hanging over his eyes with the little stubborn flyaway sticking up, his freckles which Tsukishima found endearing, and his shy smile.  Feeling defeated, Tsukishima shook his head in utter disbelief.  Was this actually happening to him?

 

“Hey, I know it’s a lot to take in…,” Yamaguchi started, his voice gentle but Tsukishima could tell he wanted to say a lot of things and explain what was going on but he was afraid that he’d overwhelm Tsukishima with what he had to say.  “I’m right here, like, I’m _really_ here.”  Tsukishima looked straight at Yamaguchi.  He gave up on trying to come up with a rational explanation on what was going on, so instead he simply asked, “So, you’re real?”

 

Yamaguchi smiled a little at his friend’s blunt question.  “Well, as real as any dead person could be.”  Tsukishima was dumbfounded by his reply. He shifted uncomfortably as he asked, “You’re really a…?”  “A ghost? Yeah,” Yamaguchi finished for him nonchalantly like this was something that happened every day.  Tsukishima’s head was spinning as he thought about what Yamaguchi said.  His best friend came back to him as a ghost and was actually _talking_ to him.  He should feel relieved, hell, he should be _happy_ but he couldn’t shake the feeling of slight irritation that crept into his consciousness.  All Tsukishima wanted was to get over the pain over missing his friend but Yamaguchi himself decided to rub salt into the wound.  As he thought about it, he couldn’t help himself as he blurted out his next words.  “But... _why_ are you here? Why did you come back?”  Yamaguchi’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.  “What do you mean ‘why’? Isn’t this what you wanted? Don’t you _miss_ me?”

 

Tsukishima’s frustration grew along with the lingering grief.  “I _do_ miss you, more than anything else, but I’m _trying_ not to and then you decide to show up as a goddamn ghost and you just…ruined everything!”  He wanted to punch himself as he heard the words leave his mouth.  How could he say something like that to Yamaguchi after he came back for him?  His best friend always put Tsukishima’s needs before his own and the blond had always taken it for granted.  But Tsukishima’s face remained stony as he glared at Yamaguchi in front of him.  He expected his friend to be upset over what he said but instead, the freckled boy laughed bitterly before turning his gaze to the dirt under his feet.  “Your words still hurt, even now.  Although I got used to them since I concluded you didn’t mean nearly half of them, I kinda hoped you’d go easy on me this time around, considering that I’m dead.  Ghosts still have feelings, you know.”

 

Tsukishima wanted to take it all back after hearing the pain in Yamaguchi’s voice.  All the words that probably hurt Yamaguchi, all the times he said ‘Shut up, Yamaguchi’ and ‘You’re annoying me right now’ and ‘I’m fine, I don’t need your help’, he wanted to erase all of it like how you would delete words from a text message.  But it wasn’t that easy.  _You can never take your words back_ , Tsukishima thought, cursing himself for being so insensitive yet again.  He looked back up and saw Yamaguchi biting his lip as if thinking about what to say next.  After a few more moments of painful silence, the shorter boy spoke up.  “So…do you want me to leave? For good? Because every time I try to reach out to you, you push me away.  I’ll never come back, I promise.”  _Fuck.  Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,_ Tsukishima swore in his head.  This isn’t what he wanted.  He _wants_ Yamaguchi to stay but that would only prolong the pain because he had to leave at some point, right? He can’t make him stay here on earth forever when he deserved to move on to wherever people go after they die. 

 

“No! I don’t want you to leave but I don’t want you to stay, either.  I just…I can’t explain it,” Tsukishima was beyond frustrated at this point and all he wanted was for the earth to swallow him up so he didn’t have to deal with the mess he was in.  He ran his hands through his unruly hair before letting them drop to his sides.  “Look, you can stay but I’ll have to get used to it.”  Tsukishima’s voice dropped to a low whisper.  Yamaguchi came back as a _ghost_ for him and he wasn’t going to let himself push him away anymore.  The freckled boy’s eyes brightened and he looked more alive than he ever had despite the fact that he’s not.  “Really? You want me to stay?” Yamaguchi’s ghostly image practically bounced with excitement.  Seeing his best friend like this, Tsukishima had to smile.  He rarely shared Yamaguchi’s enthusiasm but the fact that his personality didn’t change even in the afterlife made a certain warmth bubble in the blond’s chest.  “Of course you can stay.  That would mean I’d get my best friend back.”

 

“Just come back once I’m home, okay?” Tsukishima gathered his things into his arms, ready to get back to class.  He gave Yamaguchi a strange look as the dark-haired boy grinned widely.

 

“What do you mean come back? I’m always with you.  I just choose not show myself most of the time.”

 

 

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima couldn’t stop thinking about what Yamaguchi said before he left.  _I’m always with you._ He recalled those words and repeated them over and over in his head.  _So he’s here right at this very moment, probably laughing at how paranoid I must look.  Tch._ He practically jumped out of his seat as the last bell rang, his hands clumsily trying to collect his things as his teacher bade a hasty goodbye to the class.  He ran out of the classroom, down the hall and all the way out into the street, silently thanking the gods for not having any practice for today.  He rarely hurried for anything but he wanted to get to some place that was secluded so he could talk to Yamaguchi.  He wanted to ask so many questions and he did _not_ have the patience to wait until he gets home.  After brisk-walking for a few minutes, he spotted a back alley and quickly ran towards it.  He leaned against the graffiti-covered wall and took a deep breath.  “Y-Yamaguchi?” he called out, his voice barely a whisper.  He felt like an idiot calling out to his dead best friend and for a moment he panicked as he thought that maybe what he saw earlier was only a figment of his imagination.  He said he was done thinking that he was crazy but _what if_?  His doubts all melted away as Yamaguchi materialized in front of him.  Like, legitimately appeared out of thin air.  Tsukishima thought he was gonna have a heart attack right there but he tried not to make it look like he was horrified.

 

Yamaguchi gave him one of his shy smiles before leaning against the wall opposite of Tsukishima.  “You seem like you have a lot to say, which is quite unusual to begin with.”  The shorter boy looked quite happy for a ghost and that slightly bothered Tsukishima.  He rolled his eyes, saying, “That materializing-out-of-thin-air thing would need some getting used to.”  Yamaguchi chuckled before crossing his arms in front of him.  “So, ask.  Whatever you want to know about my…situation.”  In all honesty, Tsukishima didn’t know where to start.  He stayed quiet for a while, afraid that if he opened his mouth, all the questions would come flowing out in a jumbled mess of words.  Eventually, he asked, “Where have you been for the past two weeks? Why only show up now?”  Yamaguchi seemed to ponder on this for a while.  He looked hesitant as he answered, “Well…I’ve always been here.  Like, the moment I died, I found myself standing beside my parents.  I was confused and I didn’t know what was happening so the first thing I did was reach out for my mom.  Only, my hand didn’t actually make contact.  It just passed through her like the way ghosts pass through things in the movies.”  As if to make sure, Tsukishima reached out and tried reaching for Yamaguchi’s shoulder but as expected, his hand just passed through as if the latter wasn’t even there.

 

Yamaguchi gave him a look which probably meant ‘ _I told you so’_ before continuing.  “After that, I kind of figured out I was a ghost and I’d always try to communicate with all of you but nothing would work.  Then I thought, maybe I have to wait, build my strength or something.  So I waited for a few days.  I followed everyone around, mainly you and my parents.  I did nothing.  I didn’t try to move any objects or talk. I just…watched you guys.  Then I tried again last night in your room.  I actually still don’t know how I ended up there but I was already there so I was like, ‘Whatever, he’s my best friend so I hope this works and he doesn’t freak out.’  It worked but you _definitely_ freaked out.”  Tsukishima thought back on last night, his window mysteriously opening in the middle of the night and hearing Yamaguchi’s voice.  It _did_ startle him deeply but what else could he have done? He thought he was going crazy.

 

“Sorry about that.  It’s just pretty freaky having to hear you call my name in the middle of the night when I knew you were dead,” Tsukishima half-apologized, a smirk playing on his lips.  Yamaguchi shook his head, a smile spreading across his face.  _This feels good.  It’s like everything’s back to normal,_ Tsukishima thought to himself.  _Except nothing’s normal about this._ He was about to ask another question when he heard footsteps nearby.  A pair of girls from Karasuno passed by, chatting between themselves.  He bowed his head down low, trying not to seem shady.  When they were finally gone, Tsukishima looked up to see Yamaguchi wasn’t in front of him anymore.  “Yamaguchi?” he called out as loudly as he dared.  His friend reappeared in front of him, his arms still crossed as if he never moved.  Which, come to think of it, he actually never did.  The taller boy raised his eyebrows as he asked, “So you can choose if you want to show yourself or not? Doesn’t that take, like, a lot of work and concentration and whatnot? I thought you said the first time you successfully did that sort of thing was last night.”  Yamaguchi shrugged.  “Honestly, I don’t know how I’m doing it.  But I think once you’re able to do it, you can do it over and over again.  I think the first two weeks was sort of a charging stage?”  “Charging stage, yeah, okay.” Tsukishima snickered at how silly it sounds but he wasn’t the ghost so he wouldn’t really know.  “Hey! Don’t laugh, I’m telling the truth,” Yamaguchi feigned offense as he tried to nudge at Tsukishima playfully but was disappointed when his arm went through Tsukishima’s torso.  The blond felt a tingling sensation where Yamaguchi’s arm passed through him and it slightly weirded him out.  “Oops…forgot I can’t do that anymore,” Yamaguchi’s face was one of embarrassment.

 

“We should get going.  You can ask more questions once we’re at your house,” Yamaguchi suggested.  “I think you’d be much more comfortable in your room.”

 

Tsukishima mumbled an _‘I guess so_ ’ before walking out of the alley and into the orange light of the setting sun.  He paused for a moment and looked back but Yamaguchi was gone.  He felt the hair on the back of neck stand up as he heard his best friend whisper near his ear.  “ _I’m right here, don’t worry.”_   Tsukishima started walking down the street, trying to seem nonchalant and not act like he had a ghost walking alongside him (as if anyone would believe him if he said that, anyway).  He was about to shove his hands in his pockets when he felt a familiar tingling on his left hand.  His eyes widened and slight blush crept across his cheeks.  “Did you just try to hold my hand?” Tsukishima asked, making his voice as quiet as possible as not to raise any suspicion.  The only other people on the street were about fifty meters ahead of him but he wanted to make sure.

 

_“Yes.  But don’t say anything about it.”_

 

Tsukishima had to hold in a shit-eating grin that threatened to break across his face.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima came home to an empty house as usual, both his parents still at work.  After he left his keys on the counter, he bounded up the stairs and went straight into his room.  He kicked his shoes off and quickly plopped down on his bed, burying his face into his pillow.  After the events of today he was mentally drained and in dire need of sleep.  But he sat up and looked around the room before calling out, “Yamaguchi? You here?”  He blinked and gave a start as he found Yamaguchi sitting cross-legged at the foot of his bed.  “You staying here for the night?” Tsukishima joked, sitting in a similar manner across his best friend.  Maybe the freckled boy meant to give a smile but it looked more like a grimace.  “Well…I’ve been staying here for the past few nights, to be honest.”  The taller boy raised an eyebrow as Yamaguchi quickly added, “I hope that’s alright!”  Tsukishima nodded slowly before fiddling with the corner of one of his pillows.  “A bit creepy knowing that now, but yeah it’s cool.”  They sat there in silence, not meeting each other’s gaze when finally, Tsukishima asked, “So, you ‘ending up’ here last night wasn’t an accident? Why aren’t you staying at your house instead? I mean, I get that we used to be close friends and all, we still are, I guess.  But why not stay where your parents are?”  If there was a ‘Make Yamaguchi Sad’ award, Tsukishima would’ve won it.  He could tell by the way his best friend’s face fell that he hit a pressure point.  He didn’t mean to, he would _never_ mean to hurt Yamaguchi but that’s all he seemed capable of doing.  “I’m sorry I asked, forge—“ “No, it’s fine.  It’s just…hard seeing my parents so _sad._  I tried reaching out to them but as you know, nothing worked.  So, I wanna try again.” 

 

“Okay…,” Tsukishima said slowly.  “When do you want to try again?”

 

Yamaguchi looked up at him, the expression on his face was one of pure sadness.  “I was thinking we could try tonight?”

 

Tsukishima nodded but stopped when he realized Yamaguchi used the word ‘we’.  “Yamaguchi, what do you mean, ‘we’?”  The shorter boy wouldn’t meet his eyes again and he seemed at a loss for words.  “Yamaguchi…,” Tsukishima began.  His best friend finally looked up, his forehead creased.  “I read somewhere before that a spirit is at its strongest when it inhabits a human body…”

 

Tsukishima didn’t like where this was going.

 

“Yamaguchi…I don’t know.  I want to help you but…possession? I-I don’t think I can go on with that,” if he was being completely honest, Tsukishima would’ve said that the thought _terrified_ him.  Having another person control his body, even if it was Yamaguchi, was something he would never want to experience.  He relied on himself a lot and to let another person in would be a nightmare.

 

“I knew you wouldn’t agree to it.  But, please, think about it.  I want to be at my strongest when I see them again.  And I can’t think of anybody else who can help me with this,” Yamaguchi’s tone was pleading but Tsukishima would not give in.  It was too dangerous.  What if Yamaguchi couldn’t get out of his body? What would happen then?

 

“Do you even know _how_ to possess a human being?” Tsukishima asked testily.  Yamaguchi fell silent before he mumbled out a reply.  “I kinda know about the theory of it.”

 

“Look, I know you’re scared but can’t you see? By asking you to do this, I’m showing you how much I trust you.  Has anyone ever shown this much trust in you?” Yamaguchi asked hotly, his hands balling into fists. 

 

“I appreciate that you trust me, but this is risky for both of us.  I might never get my body back and you might never move on to whatever place all spirits go to in the afterlife,” Tsukishima didn’t want to argue with Yamaguchi for the second time that day, but his best friend was persistent.  He knew that about him a long time ago, during their summer training camp.  If they weren’t in such a heated discussion, he would’ve smiled at the memory of Yamaguchi grabbing onto his shirt while yelling at him about how pride was the only thing he needed. 

 

Yamaguchi slid off the bed and walked over to the window.  He stared out at the sky for a few moments before walking back to Tsukishima’s bed.  The blond swung his legs off the bed, his bare feet hitting the cold wooden floor. The shorter boy knelt by Tsukishima’s feet, his head bowed low. 

 

“Please, Tsukki, please.  I just want to feel alive again.”


	4. for you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamguchi does something unexpected and Tsukishima remembers the time when the line between lovers and friends blurred.
> 
> And they fight.
> 
> Not necessarily in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so so sos os so os sorry for updating so late i'm a fucking loser i know.
> 
> but better late than never right? lol
> 
> anyways updates might take a week at least from now on bc school is back in a few days ew
> 
> and i'm sorry if this is the shittiest chapter yet i struggled with this so much sigh
> 
> enjoy!

“Feel alive again?” Tsukishima asked, dumbfounded.  He studied Yamaguchi, taking in his features that he knew so well.  He never really stopped to think about it but it came to him now.  _Yamaguchi missed being alive_.  The shorter boy looked up from where he knelt in front of Tsukishima.  “It’s only been two weeks and I’ve forgotten how it feels to be alive.” Yamaguchi looked so vulnerable as he looked at the taller boy through his lashes and Tsukishima wanted to yell at himself for letting his best friend be reduced to a pleading mess.  He never meant to say it, he really didn’t, but he was known to say stuff like that and he couldn’t stop the biting remark from escaping his lips.

 

“That’s because you’re not _supposed_ to feel alive.  You’re dead.”

 

He had said it in the most deadpan way possible.  _Shit._ Tsukishima hated himself right now and even more when he saw the look on Yamaguchi’s face.  The dark-haired boy stood up and backed away as if Tsukishima was a roaring fire and that he’d get burnt if he stayed too close.  He balled his hands into fists, his arms shaking with the strain.  “How _dare_ you? How dare you say that to me after I came back for _you_?! All I asked was for you to help me reach out to my parents and this is how you respond?”  Just as Yamaguchi said that last word, the sound of a dozen books hitting the floor made both boys jump in surprise.  Tsukishima stared at the pile of books on the floor, wondering how all of it ended up there.  He glanced up at Yamaguchi who looked at the books with a horrified expression and instantly made a connection.

 

“I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to do that, I just—,” Yamaguchi cried out, looking close to tears. “I was angry and I felt this… _feeling_ on my fingers, like some sort of tingling and before I knew it, your books—they fell.”

 

Tsukishima was at a loss for words.  He managed to anger Yamaguchi to the point that he involuntarily knocked stuff off his shelf.  The incident _had_ scared him a little but he knew the shorter boy didn’t mean to do it.  However, the hurtful words didn’t stop spouting from his mouth.  “If you keep that up, you’d turn into some violent spirit, like a poltergeist.”  Yamaguchi’s head snapped up as he glared at Tsukishima.  “Tsukki, I’m _scared_.  I’ve never done that before.  And instead of some reassurance, all I get is some snarky remark from you. How insensitive can you get?”  The taller boy didn’t know how to reply to that so he just stared back at Yamaguchi.  After a few seconds, the latter turned away, his eyebrows creased together.  “You know what, forget it.  Forget I ever asked for your help.”

 

Yamaguchi then faded from Tsukishima’s sight and he knew that he was all alone in his room.

 

 

xxx

 

 

Tsukishima tossed and turned, thinking about how pissed Yamaguchi was at him.  He felt like the biggest idiot in the entire world.  Ever since Yamaguchi came back, all he did was act like a dick and he hated himself for it.  ‘ _Why can’t you just be nice, for a change?_ ’ he thought to himself as he stared at the ceiling.  After Yamaguchi left, he started picking up the fallen books, rearranging them on his shelf.  The moment he was done, he sank to the floor and cried.  What was making him act this way? Was it the grief? ‘ _But he came back.’ ‘You know he’s not staying forever.’_ He debated with himself, the whole time tears fell from his eyes.  The moment Yamaguchi left replayed over and over in his mind and it tore a hole through his heart.  When he heard his parents come in through the front door, he quickly wiped his tear-stained face, just in case one of them decided to check on him.  As he stood up from the floor, his mother opened his door a crack and peered in.

 

“Are you alright, Kei?” she opened the door further and approached him, laying a hand on his shoulder.  He bowed his head low and nodded, avoiding her eyes.  His mother took his chin in her slim fingers before tipping his face upwards to fully look at his face.  “Your eyes tell me otherwise.”  Tsukishima turned his head away and took a step back.  “I’m just tired.”  His mother decided not to press the matter any further and simply nodded before leaving the room.

 

And as he laid there, unable to sleep, Tsukishima realized that he _was_ tired.  He was tired of pushing his best friend away and being such an asshole.  He also realized that he didn’t know when Yamaguchi would come back or if he’d _ever_ come back, for that matter.  The thought brought a fresh wave of tears to his eyes.  Tsukishima buried his face into his pillow, letting the soft fabric absorb his tears.  After what seemed like hours, his eyes finally felt heavy with sleep.  As he was about to fully drift off, a noise inside his room woke him up again.  He rolled over to his side and looked around his dark room.  Hope gripped at his heart as he quietly called out, “Y-Yamaguchi?”  The room was quiet for a few seconds before a soft voice replied, “Tsukki? Did I wake you up?”

 

Tsukishima’s chest was flooded with relief as he heard those words.  He sat up and reached over to his bedside table to turn his lamp on.  Yamaguchi was sitting at the foot of his bed, his head hung low.  He scooted a bit closer, glancing at the shorter boy as he did so.  They both stared at the floor, letting the silence entrap them.  After a few more moments, Tsukishima finally spoke.  “Yamaguchi…I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be such an asshole to you.” Tsukishima had to clutch the sheets as he struggled to get the words out.  Yamaguchi didn’t even look at him as he said, “It’s alright.  It must’ve been really frustrating to have someone practically demand that you help them, even if you don’t want to do so.”  Tsukishima noticed that his best friend wasn’t meeting his eyes and he started to wonder if something was wrong.  He reached out, wanting to give Yamaguchi’s hand a reassuring squeeze when he realized he couldn’t touch him anymore.  He drew his hand back and cleared his throat before asking, “Is there something wrong?” He wanted to ask a lot more like ‘ _Where did you go?’_ and ‘ _How could you leave me like that?’_ but he realized that maybe Yamaguchi didn’t want to talk about that yet. 

 

The shorter boy continued to study the floor as he sighed deeply.  He turned sideways so he was facing Tsukishima, but he still refused to meet the blond’s gaze.  “I went back to my parents’ house earlier.”  Yamaguchi had said it so quietly Tsukishima almost didn’t hear it.  So he went back to his house.  _I wonder what happened,_ the taller boy thought to himself.  “Tsukki…it was so scary,” Yamaguchi sobbed, biting his lip. “I was mad and confused and when I got there I wanted to talk to them so bad, I didn’t think about what their reactions would be.  When they saw me, they were terrified, especially my mom.  She looked like she was ready to pass out and my dad was just staring at me with this _look_ on his facelike I was an alien or something.”  Hearing these words, Tsukishima wanted to wrap his arms around Yamaguchi more than anything but he knew he’d only be clutching at the air if he did.  “Yamaguchi…,” he had begun to say but he was cut off when the freckled boy looked up, his expression conveying pure pain.

 

“That’s not the worst part, Tsukki.  When I saw how they reacted…I tried to tell them that it was me but it was still painful and I still got hurt and I guess I just lost it because everything in the house just went flying.  It scared them even more.  And my dad…,” Yamaguchi was shaking now, his whole body racking with sobs. “He told me that I was a monster and that I wasn’t his son anymore.  A _monster_ , Tsukki.  He called me a monster.”  His voice trailing off as he covered his face with his hands.  Tsukishima couldn’t find the words to describe how upset he felt about the way Yamaguchi’s parents treated their son.  But he was later filled with guilt as he realized that the way they reacted wasn’t that different from what he had done when he saw Yamaguchi as a ghost for the first time.  But he’d _never_ call his best friend a monster.  Tsukishima wanted to make him feel better but he had no idea how.  He can’t even provide any physical comfort, how the hell will he cheer him up with words? Taking a deep breath, the blond faced Yamaguchi.  “Ya—Tadashi.  Look at me.”  The freckled boy lifted his face from his hands at the sound of his first name.  “I don’t know exactly how to comfort you but I want to help.”  Yamaguchi stared at his best friend expectantly.  Tsukishima swallowed before continuing.  “I can only imagine the shock your parents felt when they saw you.  They probably thought they were going crazy.  At least, that’s how _I_ felt when I saw you for the first time as a ghost.  You really shouldn’t blame them for how they acted.” 

 

“But my dad called me a monster! How can I not blame him for that?” Yamaguchi protested, scowling.  Tsukishima pulled his legs to his body and rested his chin on his knees. “Do you think he meant that?” It was a simple question but it made Yamaguchi think.  Did he really believe that his father regarded his son as a monster? “I don’t know…,” the freckled boy shook his head slowly, his eyes downcast.  Tsukishima bit his lip as a thought came to him.  “It’s probably my fault, too.  If I’d only agreed…”  Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, his hands reaching out as if he wanted to lay them reassuringly on Tsukishima’s arm but he pulled away at the last second.  _‘We can’t touch each other anymore,’_ the taller of the two thought bitterly to himself.  “No, Tsukki.  It’s not your fault.  If you had agreed, they’d think you were crazy for showing up at their house, saying that their son possessed your body so that he could talk to them.”

 

“But we need to try.  Isn’t that what you’ve been telling me from the beginning? I’m agreeing to go ahead with your plan,” Tsukishima explained, looking straight into Yamaguchi’s eyes.  “I told you, I want to help you.”  His best friend looked away, uncertainty evident on his face.  “But my parents…” 

 

“We’ll find a way for them to understand, okay? I can’t bear seeing you so broken up over it.  And I guess this is also an apology for acting the way I did earlier,” Tsukishima said the last part shyly, wrapping his arms tighter around himself.  Yamaguchi’s face softened at the taller boy’s words.  A few hours ago, he thought that the blond didn’t care for him at all but he could see that Tsukishima appreciated him just as much.  “Thank you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered, hesitantly bringing his hand up to brush against his best friend’s cheek.  As expected, his hand completely went through but Tsukishima closed his eyes and tilted his head as if to lean into the freckled boy’s hand.  Yamaguchi smiled and chuckled lightly.  “You can feel that?”  The blond smiled at the boy in front of him.  “Yeah.  That’s how I knew you tried to hold my hand when we were walking down the street after school.”  This caused Yamaguchi to blush and cover his mouth with his hand, trying to hide the sheepish grin that spread across his face.  Tsukishima couldn’t help but smile back at his best friend and he wondered how Yamaguchi had always managed to get through the barrier that he set up around himself and how he could tolerate the blond’s icy persona. 

 

Then, even though he didn’t want to, he remembered the times when he saw Yamaguchi as more than a friend. 

 

It wasn’t anything major.  A thought came to Tsukishima one day as he was walking home with Yamaguchi.  It was a casual thought, like any other thought he had.  But as he listened to Yamaguchi talk about his practices with Shimada, he thought that it wouldn’t be so bad if he and Yamaguchi went out.  It surprised Tsukishima at first and he would later ask himself where he got that idea from.  But as the days went by, he had grown accustomed with it and he had fully accepted that, yes, he may have liked Yamaguchi as more than a friend.  There were incidents where he’d notice Yamaguchi staring at him and getting flustered when he was caught or he’d be sitting close enough for their thighs to touch or he’d purposely hand Tsukishima his water bottle so that their fingers would brush.  Those were the times when he’d wonder that maybe the dark-haired boy liked him too.  But he never acted on his feelings.  He was never that type of person.

 

The taller boy was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Yamaguchi ask, “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”  Tsukishima blinked a few times before nodding.  “Yeah. This is for you so we have to go through with it.”  This drew out another timid smile from Yamaguchi.

 

“Okay, Tsukki.  I’m glad you’re doing this for me.”


End file.
